Stanley & Stanley

No one ever wants to be faced with the possibility of divorcing their husband or wife. Nonetheless, no matter how hard you may try to make the situation work, some marriages simply don't survive the pressures and stresses we experience in our lives. The pain, embarrassment and pure frustration of going through a divorce can be reduced, however, if you prepare, as much as possible, for the ending of your marriage.

First, don't ignore the warning signs of divorce. Too often a person wants a marriage to succeed so badly that they ignore the indications that his or her spouse is about to the leave the relationship. As a result, the "hopeful" spouse is caught completely unprepared when their spouse does eventually leave. Don't let this happen to you. If you see problems in the marriage, certainly address those problems with your spouse in the hopes of keeping your marriage. At the same time, however, prepare for the unfortunate situation of your marriage coming to an end.

You need to prepare yourself both financially and emotionally for a divorce. Realizing you are about to become separated from your spouse can often feel like you were just hit by a freight train. If you seem to feel no different when you discover your marriage is coming to an end, you may be in "emotional shock." When that shock wears off, and eventually it will, the emotional pain you will experience can be quite intense. Be ready for this emotional upheaval in your life, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Set up a support group to help you through these upcoming difficult times. Consult a professional if life seems so overwhelming you can't even get out of bed. Be careful not to "self medicate" with alcohol or other drugs. While the pain may go away for a short time, you are starting down a path of far more severe problems. Most importantly, don't give up on life. While divorces can be tragic, eventually the pain will subside, and life will move on.

Financial preparation can also significantly reduce the emotional pain of a divorce. Contested divorce cases can be very expensive. You may be forced to leave your home and incur the costs of setting up a new household. Your spouse may be preparing to leave, and he or she may have no intention of providing you with any financial support. You may have to wait a number of months before a Court orders support be paid by your spouse. At a minimum, you will need money to pay for your lawyer.

To avoid these financial perils, at the first signs of possible divorce, begin to create, for lack of a better term, a "war chest." Set up an account in your sole name at a new bank and begin depositing funds into that account. Transfer existing monies into this account. While you can certainly empty your existing accounts by transferring the funds into this new account, you don't have to do so. You only need to transfer those funds you will need to survive three to four months until Court ordered support takes place. Establish a new credit can that your spouse can not cancel that you can use for expenses until Court ordered financial help arrives. Borrow money from friends or family members. Regardless of your particular methods for doing so, you need to make sure you have the financial ability to pay all of your bills, and the new expenses (e.g. moving expenses and lawyer's fees) you will incur when you and you spouse separate.

Finally, just as every person in the world is unique in their own ways, each divorce case also has unique aspects. The best way to properly prepare for a divorce, therefore, is to consult a lawyer as soon as possible; often before you and you spouse even separate. The lawyer can not disclose to anyone the fact that you met wit him or her. Thus, you will suffer no harm from consulting with the lawyer should you and your spouse remain married. Failing to see a lawyer as part of your preparation, however, can leave you scrambling at the last moment to try and secure good legal help; and you may not be successful in your efforts.

The attorneys at Stanley & Stanley, LLC have extensive experience in handling all aspects of divorce from child custody to distribution of the marital property to getting you support both now and in the future. Should you have concerns about your marriage, feel free to give us a call. All consultations are strictly confidential.